What may have been, what could have been
by I am the void
Summary: A story about Oliver and Felicity and when they discover that their time together is coming to an end. I may include one shots later on.
1. Chapter 1

A/N I don't know if anyone is going to read this much less like it but I really felt like writing it out.

Chapter 1

The revelation of what was happening to him struck Oliver Queen like a lightning bolt and for the first time in a long time he was actually afraid. He was afraid for himself but mostly he was frightened for those he would be leaving behind. His mother, Thea, Diggle, and Laurel. Dig had dealt with the loss of friends before so while he knew his partner would grieve Oliver knew that his friend would be alright. Laurel and his family had lost him once before already and his heart ached at having to put them through that again but at least he knew that they could cope. This time at least they would have the chance to say goodbye.

There was one person, however, that he dreaded telling above all the rest. Felicity. She was his executive assistant, his ally in saving the city but above all she was his friend. Even though she had witnessed a great deal since the time she had joined his crusade, Felicity was innocent in so many ways. It was one of the things he liked most about her. Despite everything she had remained pure of heart. How could he even bring himself to tell her? When he imagined the tears streaming from her eyes he wondered if it was best if he just disappeared before the time came.

But he knew he had to tell her. She deserved that much at least. She had stuck by him through all the challenges he had faced both as Oliver Queen and as the vigilante. They had grown closer the last few months and given more time perhaps their friendship could have blossomed into something more. But as fate would have it time was the one thing he did not have.

For Oliver Queen was dying. To save his city he had given his all and more. Even with Roy and Dig's help he was no match for Slade and the terror he had brought to Starling. Through Blood Slade had been able to mass produce the mirakuru until he had dozens of super powered warriors. No amount of training or preparation in the world would aid him against men who could pick him up like he was paper weight.

Perhaps if Oliver had known that Slade was alive he could have gathered allies. He could have sent a message to Batman in Gotham or even to that new hero in Central City. Oliver had heard rumors that this hero, Flash, was faster than anything or anyone. Perhaps he would have turned the tide enough that Oliver would not have had to resort to such drastic measures.

By the time Oliver discovered the true mastermind behind Blood's schemes it was already too late. While the vigilante was chasing his pawns Slade had enacted his plan and taken his true target. Felicity. Apparently Slade thought that it was justice. Oliver had cost him the woman he loves so it was only fair that Oliver lost the woman he loved. It was for that very reason Slade had ordered Blood to worm his way into Laurel's heart. Through Blood he would corrupt Laurel and turn her against both Oliver and the vigilante.

It wasn't until later that Slade discovered that Laurel should not have been his target. Even from afar he could see the growing relationship between Oliver Queen and his executive assistant. His suspicions were further confirmed when the Hood killed the Count. When the copycat Hoods threatened his sister Oliver still showed restraint but when Felicity's life was at risk all the walls and barriers came down.

Oliver could still feel the heat of his rage when the captured Blood laughed and mocked the vigilante. It was too late, he had said. An eye for an eye, he promised. Slade Wilson's plans could not be stopped. At first Oliver was incredulous. There was no possible way that Slade was alive. But then the pieces of the puzzle started falling into place. How else could Blood have known about the mirakuru.

Then it really hit him. If Slade wanted revenge then there was only one possible person he would target. Oliver immediately tried to reach Felicity on the comms and when she did not answer he knew his worst fears were coming to pass. Felicity had become a target because off him. In his desperation Oliver Queen made a choice. He grabbed the mirakuru and injected himself not with one syringe but several. Consequences be damned.

Oliver thought he had known pain but he was sadly mistaken. The mirakuru brought on such agony that he almost wanted to die. His entire body felt like it was on fire. That blaze quickly spread until Oliver was sure that his entire body would soon turn to ash. If it was just him he was concerned about Oliver would have been more than happy to succumb to the pain but Felicity's life was also at stake. He was determined that he would live long enough to save her. As long as he did then it did not matter what happened to him.

He did not know how much he would come to regret those thoughts. He survived the mirakuru. He became stronger than Slade and all those he had given the mirakuru too. Like a man possessed he fought his way to Slade. Oliver's mind was bent on one singular purpose and that was to save Felicity. All those who got in his way paid the ultimate price.

Even with the added strength, his battle with Slade was brutal. He had sustained such injuries that under normal circumstances he would have never lived through. Through the whole battle it was Felicity's eyes on him that made him hit a little harder, move a little faster. When Slade finally fell it barely even registered in Oliver's mind. Before Slade had even hit the ground Oliver was already running past him towards the bound Felicity. Her normally neat hair was a tangled mess. She was covered in bruises and her glasses lay broken on the floor. Her skirt and blouse were torn in so many places that she was barely decent. When he cut the ropes that bound her hands he could see that her wrists were bleeding from her struggles to get free.

With a gasp she had flung her arms around him. He held her tight then whispering to her that everything was fine now. She sobbed into his shoulder until she eventually passed out from exhaustion and injuries. He carefully lifted her and was surprised to find that he hardly felt her weight. He took off as fast as he could towards the hospital with her cradled in his arms. For the longest time he had imagined how it would feel to hold her in his arms but now he would give anything for her not to be where she was.

Once at the hospital he left her in the care of the doctors and nurses under the pretext that he had saved her from some local gangsters. He disappeared before they could ask him anymore questions. He barely made it back to the lair and had just enough strength left to text Dig and tell him which hospital Felicity was in. Then with a loud crash he toppled to the floor, taking a table and all its contents with him. Diggle found him a few hours later. He had become concerned after not getting anymore messages since the text that told him which hospital Felicity was in. Dig was still sporting his own arm cast from his last battle with Blood's men. Even one handed he did what he could to nurse Oliver back to health.

That was almost two months earlier. Felicity recovered nicely and was able to go home after only a few days. Oliver, as well, seemed to heal quickly. The only evidence of the battle were the new scars that lined his body. He visited Felicity often, making sure she was as comfortable as possible. He brought her food and movies and made himself as accessible as he could.

It wasn't until after the first week that he noticed something wrong. He woke in the middle of the night to see several of his scars opened and bleeding profusely. He thought it was nothing at first and simply bandaged himself up. The next night he woke because he could not breathe. He rushed to the bathroom to find his mouth covered in blood.

Oliver had no idea what to do. It wasn't like he could simply walk up to his doctor and ask for a check up. So he decided to do the next best thing . He booked an impromptu trip to Central City and sought the help of someone who already saved him once before.

Barry was delighted to see his hero suddenly show up his lab but that quickly turned to anxiety when Oliver told him his symptoms. Barry's analysis of His blood confirmed Oliver's suspicions. His body was breaking down from mirakuru overdose. It simply could not handle the strain and there was nothing Barry could do about it. At least not in the time Oliver had left. Before he left Oliver made Barry promise not to tell his friends. He wanted them to find out from him and in his own terms.

For Oliver It turned out that telling those you care about that you are dying is harder than he thought. Several times he was on the verge of telling them but could not make the words come out of his mouth.

"Oliver, are you okay?" Felicity's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. She walked into his office holding a stack of papers for him to sign.

He smiled up at her from where he was sitting. Her beautiful blonde hair was tied in its usual spot. Her cheeks held that hint of flush that he felt so alluring and her bruises had finally disappeared. "Fine. Just thinking."

"I can see that. I had to call your name several times to get your attention." She slid the pile of papers on his desk. She walked around him, tapping her fingers across his hard shoulders, to grab a few of the files he had looked through earlier. He did his best to ignore the jolt of electricity her touch sent through his body. It didn't escape his notice that ever since Slade's defeat the amount of physical contact between them had increased dramatically.

He shuddered at what that meant so he quickly grabbed Felicity's hand and quickly stood at the same time. "Felicity I have something to tell you. I'm-"

He never got to finish his sentence. When Oliver grabbed her arm Felicity suddenly decided that she was tired of waiting for him to make a move. She was sure beyond any doubt that he cared for her. Their unlikely friendship had been blossoming ever since he showed at her office carrying a bullet ridden laptop. It blossomed until it turned into something else altogether. How could it not when thy spent almost all their waking hours together. It wasn't long until she saw him even in her dreams. She was in love with him before he had saved her and that feeling had only grown.

She tried to put all her feelings into that singular kiss. All the tension, frustration, love, and hope she felt. When he froze as their lips touched she thought that she had made a mistake but her fears were quickly quashed when he returned her kiss. Both of them reveled at each other touch and the fact that their lips seemed to have been designed to fit the other. It was a long kiss, full of passion and fire.

When they finally separated Felicity couldn't help but sigh in relief. She looked into his eyes and smiled contentedly. "So what were you going to say?"

A/N Hope that was okay. Let me know if it's good enough to continue.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Felicity's thoughts wandered back to the last few months as she watched Oliver through the clear glass panel that separated her desk from his office. He had failed to notice her despite the fact that she had been observing him for several minutes. It was not uncommon for her to steal quick glances at her boss but the look on his face had kept her eyes glued on him. The veiled mask he wore was all too familiar to her now. Diggle had scoffed at her when she had told him that she had become fairly adept at reading Oliver's many faces.

"How can you read a blank face?" He had teased her.

Felicity would simply shrug. For her his face was not blank at all. Each line, each imperfection, each scowl meant something. You just had to look deep enough.

And what Felicity saw now disturbed her. He was sadder than usual but it was also more than the ever present guilt he bore on his shoulders. He was afraid. While she knew that he was far from immune to fear it was the first time that she had seen it so close to the surface.

She didn't understand. His friends and family were safe. Slade and Blood had been defeated. What more was there?

Felicity's trembling hand went to adjust her glasses as memories of what had happened resurfaced. The terror she had felt when Slade had taken her was insurmountable. He had mocked her, toyed with her. Every injury, physical or otherwise, seemed to only increase his satisfaction. She remembered screaming as his sword had torn through cloth and flesh alike. She still had nightmares about his wicked smile as he slowly trailed the blade until there was utterly too much of her flesh was exposed. She had struggled fruitlessly against her bindings in am effort to bring her arms up to cover herself. He had promised to defile her, ravage her, corrupt her and when he was finished with her he would kill her.

She screamed and yelled at Slade. What could she have possibly have done to deserve such cruelty at his hands. She would never forget his answer. It haunted her even when she was awake.

"Because the kid loves you." He had said. Slade held no remorse for what he was doing or who he was hurting. He truly believed that his anger was righteous. This only made him more dangerous. He would follow his convictions until the bitter end.

Yet even through that his words had cut into her heart. Oliver Queen loved her? Was such a thing even possible? They were friends, yes. He cared for her, yes. But love? Surely Slade had been mistaken. Oliver Queen's love had always been reserved for Laurel.

If Slade had been made for her nightmares then the Starling City Vigilante had been made for her brightest dreams. She had flinched when the concussive blast ripped the door from its hinges. Even though her glasses were smudged she knew exactly who the silhouette was that jumped through the gaping hole where the door was. He moved with such speed that she could barely follow him. He ducked, dodged, and fought his way through the men in the room until only Slade was left before him.

Oliver asked, no, begged his friend to let her go. That any quarrel was between the two of them alone. Slade, of course, had refused. He had vowed Oliver would experience the same loss he did and then, only then would he kill Oliver.

Tears streamed down her eyes as she watched Oliver steel himself to battle the man who had taught him almost everything he knew. What chance did a man, even one such as the Hood, have against a monster infused with mirakuru. She yelled at him to just run and forget about her. She screamed that she wasn't worth his life. Oliver ignored her please. The look in eyes said everything. He would die before he abandoned her. Slade had chosen his hostage well.

The impact from their initial collision was bone jarring. Felicity thought she could see the dust rise up from the ground as a result from the impact. She strained to keep her eyes on what was happening but the dirt on her glasses made it difficult. Even had her sight been unobstructed she doubted she would have been able to keep up with their movements. Strength and speed both combatants displayed seemed impossible. She knew then exactly what Oliver had done for her. Despite the life threatening danger of the serum he had taken the mirakuru. He didn't know the man Slade Oliver was. This was how she knew him. A man who do anything and sacrifice everything for the smallest of chances to save his friends.

Then she saw her fears come to pass. Slade had years of experience on Oliver. He had maneuvered his way around Oliver's attacks until he found the leverage he needed. Oliver was literally lifted off his feet as punch after punch landed in his midsection. The force of each punch pushed him a little more off the ground. The Hood was a physically imposing figure but Slade Wilson picked him up like he was nothing. Grunting with effort Slade threw into the concrete wall. Such was the force of the throw that the wall crumbled instantly, burying Oliver in the rubble.

Felicity felt like a knife had pierced her heart. She couldn't swallow, couldn't breathe. She was sure that it was the end of the Oliver. Not even a moment later a shadow fell across Felicity. She looked up to see Slade staring down at her. In his hand he gripped his sword. It was still dripping with Oliver's blood. She could see the thrill reflected in his eyes. Thrill that he would finally be able to fulfill the promise he had made to himself.

It was inevitable now. Felicity knew as she stared at the dripping blood from the blade that her time was up. The light seemed to dance wickedly of it making it look even more sinister. She could not seem to get any of her muscles to move, her eyes stayed glued to the sword. In the deepest reaches of her scientific mind reason still ruled. She knew was in shock. She should have done something, anything to try and get away from Slade. It wasn't that she wasn't terrified. She was scared out of her mind. The rest of her simply could not process that Oliver was gone. Whatever was about to happen to her she could not help but feel that it was trivial compared to Oliver's fate.

The blade swung up and paused. She tried to steady herself for what was to come. Would it hurt very much? She wondered. Dying. Would her life flash before her eyes? She hoped that if that did happen then she would at very least see Oliver. Though she had known him only during small portion of her life he had become such an integral part of it that it felt that he had always belonged in it.

She could hear the air whistle as the clade come down. She tried to shut her eyes but couldn't. Then she saw him. Oliver. He was diving towards her at full speed, arms stretched out and reaching for her. She couldn't help but smile as she finally blacked out. Perhaps it was true what they said. Someone you loved did come for you when your time came.

She woke up a few days later in the hospital with a pounding headache. The light streaming in from the window had woken her. She was disoriented, confused, and littered with bandages. She immediately started struggling against the sling that braced her arm. Her panicked mind was still where she last remembered. Bound and about to be slaughtered by Slade. Her sudden trashing alerted her nurses and they rushed in trying to calm her. Even when they had convinced her that she was no longer in danger she would not stop trashing about. She needed to help Oliver, she had screamed at them. He is still buried the rubble. Her heart rate had risen to dangerously high levels so the nurses finally sedated her to calm her down.

The next time she woke was because she felt pressure against the backside of her hand. The rough and calloused fingers brought her awake almost instantly. Even though she had only held his a hand a few times she knew exactly who those fingers belonged to.

"Oliver?" Her eyes had snapped open. She tried to sit up but days of laying still made that nearly impossible.

"Shhhh. It's okay." He whispered to her. "Everything's okay now."

She couldn't believe it. She was looking at him. He was there sitting by her bed. She wasn't imagining this, his touch was real. "I thought you were dead."

"So did I." He smiled softly. Then the tears started flowing freely and it seemed like it would never stop. He stayed with her then, an ever constant presence in her recovery room. He dispensed with any pretexts or pretenses then. He didn't care what people said about him hanging around day and night in the hospital room of his executive assistant. Once the nurses had told him that she had screaming for him, convinced that he was in danger Oliver had promised himself that he would be there when she woke up again. Everything else took a back seat. Nothing else mattered. Not Queen Consolidated, not the city, not anything. The few times he was not present in her she found herself counting the minutes until she did see him again. All the while Slade's words echoed in her mind.

"Because the kid loves you." Of all the things that had happened that was what was always stuck on the fore front of her mind.

During her recovery they seemed to grow closer than ever before. He did everything in his power to make her feel comfortable. He brought her movies and books to keep her occupied. He had even snuck in some of her favorite Chinese food when the doctors and nurses were not looking. She wondered why the hospital didn't kick him out once visiting hours were over. He just shrugged when she asked him about it.

"Being a billionaire has its perks." He had told her. She asked what he meant but he wouldn't say another word about that topic. Her suspicions were confirmed one day when she overheard one of the nurses pass on her chart to the next shift. Felicity cringed when she heard the nurse say that Oliver had made a very generous donation to the hospital and all the staff had been instructed to adhere to whatever Oliver Queen wished as long as he did not bother any of the patients. Perks indeed.

Others helped as well. A parade of visitors seemed to come and go from her room. Diggle was almost always there as well. Roy, Thea, and even Detective Lance had come to see how she was doing. Even Barry had phoned her to see how she was doing. He apologized for not being able to see her personally but he explained that he was analyzing some blood for a friend. If it wasn't such a life threatening situation he would have been there. She told him that she understood and wished him luck with what he was doing. In truth she was not that disappointed that he didn't visit her. The only presence that really mattered to her was that of the man who was already in her room.

She was ecstatic when the doctors finally discharged. Not only was she tired of her hospital room but she was eager to spend the night in her own apartment and in her own bed. She was also tired of having Oliver see her without any make-up on though it was clear to everyone who had seen the look on Oliver's face when he stared at Felicity that he did not care in the least if she had make-up on or not.

When she refused to sit on the wheelchair for the short trip to the car Oliver had wrapped his arm about her waist in an effort to offer her more balance. She was sure that had she been still connected to the monitors it would have registered a sudden spike in her heart rate. She made a mental note to herself to always refuse the wheelchair whenever Oliver was around. Both Oliver and Diggle had helped her into the car and she was pleasantly surprised that even in the car Oliver's arm remained glued to her waist. After a few minutes he found herself leaning her head against his broad shoulders. She swore that she saw Diggle smile through the mirror.

It was only when she got to her apartment that she realized that she was not going to be seeing as much of Oliver as she did while she was in the hospital. He promised that he was only a phone call away at all times and that he would stop by the next day after he checked in at Queen Consolidated. She felt his reluctance to let her go when he hugged her goodbye. She knew he wanted to ask her if she wanted him to spend the night. She wanted to ask him herself but neither of them said anything. She regretted it as soon as he closed the door. Sleep was hard to come to that night. She laid awake in her bed, idly twirling her phone in her hand. She had almost called him so many times but each time she thought of a reason not to. He needed to rest, she told herself. He had done enough for her and she didn't want him to think that she was incapable of looking after herself.

The next day she waited nervously for Oliver to arrive. Despite the soreness in her muscles she cleaned her apartment to make it as presentable as possible. She even put on some make-up and a pretty blouse and skirt. She wanted to pick one of the shorter skirts but some of the gashes on her thighs had not fully disappeared yet.

She had lost track of how many hours she had waited but Oliver Queen never did show up. Eventually she decided to give him a call but for some strange reason the call when straight to voicemail. She immediately started to worry. Images of the Hood lying in a ditch somewhere popped into her head. She called Diggle but strangely enough he answered after a few rings. He was as concerned as she was when she had told him that her calls were going straight to voicemail. Diggle told her that Oliver insisted he take the day off and that he would be at the office all day. He promised that the Hood had no activities planned for the evening.

Felicity called Queen Consolidated next. She felt a tinge of jealousy when the woman who answered the phone identified herself as the executive assistant. She tried to push the image of another woman sitting in her chair just on the other side of the glass wall that separated her from Oliver's desk. Felicity didn't understand why she was jealous in the first place. The woman on the other end of the line was probably just a temp but even so felicity vowed to herself that she would return as quickly as possible to the position that she had never wanted.

The temporary executive assistant was reluctant to give any information about Oliver to random callers but when Felicity identified who she was the other woman quickly relented. The sharpness of Felicity's tone probably helped as well. She told Felicity that Oliver Queen had taken an emergency business meeting in Central City and had instructed her that he was not to be disturbed under any circumstances.

With no way to contact Oliver Felicity was forced to wait for him to contact her. She had also made Diggle promise that he would call her as soon as he had heard from Oliver. It was many hours later that Felicity heard from him. She had actually fallen asleep on the sofa and the alert on her phone had woken her. It was a message from Oliver.

_Sorry had an unavoidable meeting. _

It was simple and to the point. It felt like a business message than a message from the friend that had been with her through her entire stay at the hospital.

Things went downhill from there. He never returned to her apartment and she did call him their conversations were always quick and almost formal. He always found some excuse to end the conversation quickly. When she asked about the woman who answered the phone Oliver assured her that her position would be there waiting for her. He also promised that the starling City vigilante would not be going out any time soon.

So now here she was again, staring at him again through the glass. It was her first day back but she had worked harder than ever to get catch up on everything that she had missed. She had been getting ready to stand to hand him some papers to sign when she noticed the look on his face. He had barely said anything to her all day long. She did not, for the life of her, understand why he was not happy to see her. Did he regret how close they had become during her recovery? Perhaps she had read more into it than there really was.

Finally she couldn't stomach it any longer. She got up, straightened her skirt and walked into his office.

"Oliver, are you okay?" She had to repeat herself before he actually looked up at her.

"Fine." He smiled at her. "Just thinking." Felicity almost didn't smile back. The smile he flashed her was different from the many ones he had given her in the past. It did not reach her eyes. It was almost as if he was forcing that smile.

"I can see that." She whispered as she slid some papers onto the desk in front of him. She then walked behind and playfully tapped her fingers across his shoulders. She had always admired how nice he looked in suites. Even the shirt, tie, and jacket couldn't completely hide the well-defined body beneath. She grabbed another stack of files that he had finished with earlier and moved to leave the office when she felt Oliver's hand grab her own. The familiar jolt of electricity that she felt when he touched her raced up her and through her arm.

"I have something to tell you. I'm-"

Felicity did not need to let him finish. The time for talk and stolen glances were done. She had decided if she wanted Oliver then she would have to be the first to act. She wrapped her arms around him and crushed her lips onto his. It seemed like she had been waiting an entire lifetime for that one kiss. She tried to put all her feelings into that kiss. To show him what she never had the courage to say. Felicity felt butterflies in her stomach when he finally returned that kiss. It alleviated any fears she had that he did not feel the same way.

"So what were you going to say?" She asked when they finally separated.

Oliver was at a loss. He had planned then to tell her what was happening to him but how could he now after all that happened break her heart?

A/N Please review. I thought seeing things from Felicity's perspective needed to be written down too. Good I hope?


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as Felicity's lips touched his own Oliver Queen was ruined. The sweet taste of her strawberry lipstick had engulfed him so completely that for a moment he lost all sense of who and where he was. All that mattered was the sensation that those lips brought out in him. More than once he had fantasized what it would it be like to have Felicity wrapped in his arms and now all of a sudden it was a reality. He couldn't help basking in it.

When they finally separated Felicity looked up at him with a glowing smile. She reached up and affection ally traced her hand on cheek. Oliver did his best to hide the whirlwind of emotions that were swirling in his head.

"Wow." She said breathily. "That was even better than I imagined."

Oliver cupped his hand over the hand she had against his cheek. Whatever else he felt, Oliver had to admit that the kiss was good. Better than good in fact. It was probably the first time in his life that he had completely let himself get lost in the person he was kissing. In the past he had always kept his guard up, always keeping a part of himself reserved and hidden.

Even with Laurel had only seen the part of him that she wished to see. Granted she always saw the best in him even when no one else could but it was only one facet of himself. Perhaps that was one if the reasons he had panicked when she had suggested they move in together. He had been afraid to let her see all of him. His relationship with Sarah was more about lust and self destruction than anything else. He knew his father was right when he had told him things would not end well for either sister or himself. He supposed he half expected that. Even Shado knew little about him. The Oliver she knew was the one the island had created. Circumstances forced him to be a weapon, a weapon that she and Slade helped forge.

With Felicity things were vastly different. He had approached her because he had needed her help. He was worried at first his ridiculous lies and excuses would alienate her but instead she continued to help him. Even before he had finished doing his homework on her he had already felt that he could trust her. He couldn't explain it completely but he knew that she would be there for him. That was one of the reasons he knew he could trust her with his identity although Felicity would probably argue that he didn't have much choice since his own mother had shot him.

She was unlike anyone he had been with. They were vastly different. Her blonde hair, short skirts, bright lipstick and finger nails were a stark contrast to his normally dark attire. He was always quiet and brooding while she could never seem to stop speaking even when her ramblings sounded like sexual innuendos. She always seemed full of life while he death seemed to constantly circle him. Despite all their differences they became fast friends. Everything just seemed to be easier with her.

She had originally said that she would only be a part of their team until they rescued Walter. She stayed long after that and even went as far as air dropping into Lian Yu with Diggle in order to bring him back. She had said that the city needed him back, that Queen consolidated needed him back, that Thea needed him back. For some reason he could almost hear her say that she needed him back. How he wished that, even in the middle of his grief, she had said those words out loud.

In the months after his return Oliver could sense something change in how he saw her. It was gradual and at first he didn't quite understand it. When that pesky kid Barry showed up from Central City, Oliver was surprised to find he was actually jealous. In the time he had know. Felicity he had almost always had her for himself. He never had competition for her attention before and he immediately realized that he did not like it. Oliver said that Barry seemed suspicious when he had Diggle investigate but it was only because Felicity was smitten with him. Even now Oliver could remember seething while he watched Barry and Felicity dance together. He couldn't help to think that it should be his arms around Felicity, twirling to the sound of the music. Her voice saying yang she did not want to dance with him had echoed in his head for days.

But now things were different. Here they were finally in each other's arms. It was perfect. Perfect Exocet for the fact he wasn't being honest with her. He was setting her up for a lot of heart ache. It didn't matter if he survived for weeks or months because eventually Felicity would lose him. He knew her well enough to realize that such a loss would destroy her.

"Earth to Oliver." Felicity said softly. "You still with me?"

Oliver nodded. "Why don't we go have some dinner?" He hoped that a change of scenery would at least give him a break from the inner turmoil.

Felicity feigned some shock. "Is Oliver Queen asking me out on a date? Are you sure you want to have dinner with me? There is probably a long line of models who want to spend time with a billionaire like you."

Oliver laughed. "Yes but none of them are as pretty as the blonde IT girl standing in front of me." He realized belatedly that he was digging himself into an even deeper hole.

Felicity loved hearing him laugh. If there was anyone who deserved happiness it was Oliver. "Okay let me grab my tablet and coat."

Just as Felicity was leaving Oliver's office his cell phone rang. She turned just in time to see his the terrified look on his face when he checked the caller id. It was gone so quickly that Felicity was unsure if she had really seen it.

Oliver smiled at her. "I need to take this. I'll meet you at the elevator."

She almost walked back to ask who was calling but she didn't want to sound like a nosy girlfriend when they haven't even had a first date yet. The thought of being called Oliver's girlfriend borough butterflies to her stomach. She mentally cautioned herself not to get too much ahead of herself. It was just a date. It was just one kiss. One amazing kiss. A kiss that she probably would never forget. She felt her cheeks start to flush so she nodded to Oliver quickly and went to retrieve her things while he finished his phone call.

"Barry?" Oliver had been dreading this call. Barry had been working day and night to figure out how much longer Oliver had. While he tried to be optimistic and hope for a few months, he had his doubts. He needed as much time as he could get to put his affairs in order.

"O-Oliver." Barry sounded like he was choking on his own tears. "I finished with my analysis."

Oliver did not like the way Barry's voice sounded. He knew he's was about to get some bad news. "It's okay, Barry. I know you are doing all you can. Even it's only a month I-"

Barry didn't let him finish. "You don't have a month, Oliver."

The color drained from Oliver's face. "What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry Oliver. I'll keep working nonstop of course but it's just not enough time."

"How much time?!" Oliver shouted.

"Days. Two or three weeks at most. I'm so sorry." Barry said, haltingly.

Oliver was in shock. He knew he didn't have much time left but this just wasn't fair.

"What's wrong?" Felicity had heard him shout and had come running back into the room. When she saw how pale he was she immediately dropped all her things and rushed towards him.

"Thank you. Do whatever you can please." Oliver said as normally as he could as he hung up the phone. "I'm sorry Felicity but I'm going to need a rain check on dinner."

"Okay but what-" before Felicity could finish new question Oliver was past and through the elevator doors. As the doors closed she was certain she again saw the terrified look on his face. She couldn't help but wonder if it was her Oliver was running from.

* * *

The Starling City was out with a vengeance that night. Nothing escaped his notice. He had stopped three muggings and a robbery. He had intended to be lenient with them but that changed quickly once the punches started flying. He disregarded the fact that physically he was now stronger than any normal human. With little or no effort the Hood punched, kicked, and through his victims into unconsciousness. He could literally hear bones breaking when he hit them. It didn't bother him at all. In fact he almost reveled in it. He took out his anger and frustrations on the would be criminals. Most of them would not be walking again anytime soon much less pulling off any crimes. He left them bloody and broken. They were fortunate to be even alive. The only things that really stopped him from killing that night was the knowledge that Felicity would know from the news if he took a life.

But even the carnage of the nights events did not ease his frustrations of life. He sat silently on a random rooftop, sheltered by the shadows. He watched people go about their business and he was jealous. How lucky they were that they had time to do what they needed to do. How lucky were they that they could go home to the people they loved and tell them how they felt. It didn't help that his cell phone would ring almost constantly. He knew his friends were looking for him. By now the news crews would have reported on the Hood's exploits so his friends would know that he was out on patrol. They would search for him but he had disconnected the tracking device in his boot before he left. He did not want to be disturbed this night. He did not want to hear the voice of the woman he now knows he loves.

He would never get that chance to tell her now. He had all but decided that Felicity can never know how he really feels about her. No good could come out of it. He could not give her the life she deserved. He couldn't give her any kind of life at all. All he had to offer was misery and heart ache. He already knew what he had to do. A plan had formulated in his head. A plan to ensure that his friends were well taken care of even after he was gone.

As much as it hurt him to do so Oliver had to act quickly. There was no telling how or when Barry's prediction would come to pass.

His passing would certainly hurt his mom and Thea but at least financially they were well taken care of. His trust fund would immediately pass on to Thea. She, of course, would take over Queen Consolidated once she came of age. That is provided that Isabel Rochev didn't gut the company before then but he he had a plan for that as well.

He would reward Diggle by giving him half of the ownership of the club. He would also stay on to protect his family and Felicity. There was no telling if anyone of the plethora of villains he had taken would seek retribution against Felicity and his family should they ever find out who the Hood truly was. It was strange how often he used Felicity's name in the same sentence as the rest of his family. He supposed that's who she was to him now. Family.

Felicity. He wanted to make sure that she would have no issues once he was gone. Tomorrow he would call a meeting and promote Felicity to VP of applied sciences and Research and Development. This probably would not sit well with Isabel who was not shy about voicing her disdain for Felicity. Isabel would waste no time in getting rid of Felicity once he was gone. To combat that Oliver would have to make more additions to his will. It would read that should anything happen to him then Felicity would inherit his position at Queen Consolidated in addition to her duties as VP until such a time that Thea was ready to take over. He would ensure that Thea knew how important Felicity was to him and that she should be allowed to keep her VP position as long as she wanted it. He didn't know how much Thea knew about his feelings for Felicity but he suspected that she already had some inkling. How could she not when Felicity spent all day with all Oliver at work and then seemed to come and go at will when we Oliver was at the club as well.

His thoughts had preoccupied him so much that Oliver eventually fell asleep right where he was perched. His illness and the exertion both taxed him more than he thought. In his dreams one thought still haunted him. How was he supposed to say goodbye to his friends and family? How was he suppose to let go of the woman whose lips he could still taste?

He woke up suddenly to the sound of cars honking angrily at one another. The sun was just beginning to rose over the horizon. He was so startled that he thought all of last nights events had been a bad dream but the dried blood that trailed from his mouth said otherwise. Before he even left the rooftop he sent out an email calling for a meeting of QC executives.

Instead of going back to the club Oliver made for the car he had parked nearby. He was glad he had some spare clothes in there because he suspected that his friends may have been waiting for him at Verdant. He changed quickly and tried to look as presentable as possible. It wasn't of his best suites but it would do for now.

Oliver had to wait at Queen Consolidated for quite awhile before the company's officers started arriving. Belatedly he remembered that Felicity may not show up at work if she had been waiting for him at Verdant. He quickly switched his phone back on long enough to send her a message to meet him at the office. Oliver hoped that the promotion would at least alleviate her anger at him for not telling anyone where he was. She had never wanted to be his executive assistant in the first place so he was glad he could reward her with a proper position. One that used her knowledge and skills properly.

The meeting had already been well underway by the time Felicity came running into the conference room. She looked tired and disheveled. Her eyes immediately went to Oliver's but he barely acknowledged her. She tried to keep a straight face on but internally she was seething at Oliver for not letting anyone know he was okay. She hoped that no one noticed that she had the a name clothes on as the day before although Isabel probably already had. She was about to take her usual seat when Isabel spoke up.

"Well if it isn't the woman of the hour. I suppose congratulations are in order." Though her voice was cordial both Oliver and Felicity could make out the spite and sarcasm that lined it.

Felicity scrunched up her eyes in confusion as the other executives walked up to her and shook her hand in congratulations. More than offered to help her in anyway they can in her new position. If anyone of them suspected something was going between her and Oliver then this all but confirmed it. They realized that Felicity was a permanent part of Oliver's life now and they wasted no time in ingraining themselves.

"New position?" Felicity looked at Oliver again, still confused at what was going on.

"Yes." Oliver said, standing. He smiled at her but it was a weak one that did not reflect in his eyes. "I just informed everyone that I have decided to promote you to Vice President of applied sciences and the head of our new Research and Development Division. There was no way I would have been able to return this company back to being a profitable one without your help. I'm sure with your new division the company's market position will soar."

A round of applause filled the room but Felicity barely heard it. Her heart was pounding. She was confused and angry but she hid it in check.

After a few more medial comments from the other executives Oliver called the meeting to a close and headed out the door, avoiding Felicity's gaze the entire time. She followed him to the elevators and held her hand up as others were trying to get on the elevator with them. Her stare did not prompt any arguments.

The elevator ride was filled with tension. She wanted to reach out and touch him. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her and explain to her why he was hurting her like this. He said nothing.

Once they were back in his office Felicity could. It hold it in any longer. "What's going on Oliver?"

He feigned confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you trying to get rid of me? I thought we had a great thing going here?" She closed the distance and placed her hand on his arm. She wouldn't let him avoid this conversation.

"Isn't this what you wanted? You were always complaining the executive assistant position was below you." Oliver tried to reassure. "This is for the best."

"Was it because we kissed? Was it too much?" A hundred different thoughts ran into her head. "You don't have to push me away. I mean we can just forget-"

Oliver stopped her right there. If there was one thing he was sure of it was that he never wanted to forget that kiss but he had to ensure that it also never happens again. "I just think that it's better if you spend your time dealing with normal everyday problems. This way you won't have to worry about how I spend my nights."

"But our nights together are my favorite part of this job." Felicity shook her head quickly and tried to ignore yet another sexual innuendo.

"I refuse to risk your life anymore Felicity. This is for the best. Trust me." Oliver tried to move his arm away from her but she held firm.

Felicity couldn't hold her anger in any longer. "No. It's more than that. I saw how scared you were after we kissed last night. You're just afraid to admit that you feel something for me so you are pushing me away instead. I won't let you, Oliver."

Oliver tried to steady himself for what he was about to say. He knew her enough to know that she wouldn't let this go easily. He had to say it for her own sake. "Last night was a mistake Felicity."

The words cut her into her very should. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes.

"We don't belong together. You need to find someone else, someone good for you." Oliver pointed at her and himself. "This. Us. It was never in the plan."

Felicity couldn't bear what she was hearing. After all that they had been through together she couldn't believe that he would her like that. "You know what?! You are right! I'm going to find someone who isn't scared to admit their feelings for me! You're running away from me just like you ran away from Laurel when you took Sarah on your god forsaken yacht."

Oliver did his best to not react to what she said. He stood as still as statue. His face blank and passive.

Felicity ripped her arm from him and walked to the door. "Maybe I'll go spend a few days with Barry. How about that? Its time I took him up on that standing invitation for a date."

The image of Felicity in someone else's arms brought out made him clench his fist but still he held firm. "If you think that's it's for the best. You have plenty of vacation days available."

Felicity searched his face for any sign at all that he wanted her to stay. There was no jealousy, no feeling at all. She had enough. "I hate you, Oliver."

It was the last thing she said before storming out. She was trying to wipe the tears out from under glasses as she ran from the office and almost ran right into a smiling Isabel.

"That's no way for a new Vice President to talk to the CEO." Isabel looked so smug that Felicity thought about punching her right then and there. She would have loved to try a few of those moves that Diggle fought her.

Instead Felicity just pushed her angrily out of the way. Before the doors closed to the elevator she could Isabel speaking to Oliver. "I have a lost of potential replacements for the executive assistant position."  
Felicity hung her head low. She was already being replaced.

Oliver listened as the elevator doors closed as he say down on his chair. That conversation was more painful to him that being shot with an arrow. He heard Isabel speak to Felicity but he did nothing to intercede. He hated not standing up for her.

"So." Isabel said as she sat seductively on his desk. "Got any plans tonight?"

The glare on his faces stopped Isabel from saying anything else. Oliver let her see a little behind the care free facade he had always shown her. In his eyes Isabel saw unbridled anger and rage. She read them clearly enough. "Get out while you are still able to walk out."

For the first time in as long she could remember Isabel was taken aback and intimated. She wasted no time in leaving his office.

Oliver sat alone on his desk, staring through the glass to where Felicity used to sit. He would never again be able to see her sitting there, scrunched face at her tablet as she tried to work out whatever problem she was fixing. In the silence of his empty office Oliver Queen wondered if dying would at least full the pain of a broken heart.

a/n please review and let me know if you like it. Is it too much? Keep going? Sorry for all the drama and angst but Oliver and Felicity are my favorite pairing.


	4. Chapter 4

Arrow Chapter 4

Despite having spent the last night perched on a roof top the Arrow was not tired at all. At least physically that is. Emotionally, Oliver Queen was completely drained. Pushing Felicity away from him had taken all he had left. There were times during his little performance that he thought that he could go no further. His face had remained impassive but inside he was struggling to contain a whirlwind of emotions that threatened drown him beneath their weight. He wanted nothing more than to grab her arm, turn around and envelope her. He wanted to tell her that he didn't want her to go to Central City. He needed her here. No needed was the wrong word. He wanted her here with him and not with Barry. He should have told her that a long time ago. He had refused to admit that he felt jealous when Felicity spent so much time in Central City while Barry was recovering from his coma. Diggle had been spot on then when he said that Oliver never had problems with Felicity's performance until she met Barry. Oliver could still remember the pang he felt when she had said that she had finally met a guy that was interested in her and he was struck by lightning. Oliver should have told her then just as he should have told her now. She was more than his employee, more than his partner, more than his friend even. It wasn't just that he relied on her. Without even realizing it, Felicity had worked her way into his heart until he couldn't imagine his life without her. He wanted to do all that, say all that but he didn't. Instead he let her run from his office. He let her draw her own conclusions about why he was pushing her away. Anything would be better than telling her the truth because that would devastate her beyond repair. She can never know what he gave in order to save her.

He didn't stay in his office for long. The large and luxurious office had suddenly become so confining that he knew he would go mad if he didn't get up and leave. On his way out, Oliver couldn't but help stop by Felicity's old desk. He ran his finger over the polished surface as he observed how neatly her things were arranged in. It was vastly different from his desk. Half of the time he couldn't find what he was looking for unless Felicity helped him. He looked at the chair she sat in every day, the outline of her body was still on the soft material. He never told her that he had splurged on her chair. It was specially made and was advertised to be more comfortable than anything out there. He had thought that if she was going to be his executive assistant then at least he was going to do what he can to make her a bit more comfortable. He didn't know how much longer he had left but he knew that while he was there Felicity's desk and chair would remain where they were. It was a reminder of how things had been. Whoever would take Felicity's place would have to be situated somewhere else. The thought had barely come out before he scoffed at it. No one could ever take Felicity's place.

He didn't know where it was he wanted to go once he left Queen Consolidated. Changing back into his vigilante outfit seemed appropriate given his mood. His foreboding appearance mirrored his grim mood. He set himself in a patrol grid but without even realizing it he ended up in the one place he wanted to go. The train station. The person he was looking for was enough to spot. Everything else was forgotten as he watched her pull her small suitcase as she made her way through the crowd. Even from this distance Oliver could tell that she was flustered. She would stop every now and then to bring something up to her face. Oliver suspected that she was wiping off some tears. From the shadows he continued to observe her as she bought a ticket that he hoped was two way. He continued to watch her as she made her way to the passenger car. She handed her ticket to the waiting conductor but instead of boarding Felicity stopped all of a sudden. She turned unexpectedly and looked around her as if she was searching for someone. Perhaps she was waiting for him to come after her. Oliver almost gave in to temptation right then and there. She wanted him to stop her from leaving. Even after all the hurtful things he had said to her she wanted him to come. His resolve was weakening quickly but after a few moments the conductor seemed to say something to her. Oliver could see her nod her head, look around one final time and then board the train. Then just like that she was gone. He stayed in his position, staring at nothing long after the train had sped away. Eventually he was able to pry himself away but not before pulling out his cell phone to send a quick message to the man who the woman he loved was running to.

_Don't tell her._

* * *

Felicity was heart-broken. She wasted no time in rushing home after her little altercation with Oliver. More than anything else Felicity wanted some space from everything and everyone in Starling City. This seemed strange enough since just the day before it seemed like everything was falling into place in Starling City.

Up until the previous day Felicity had no concrete evidence that Oliver saw her as anything more than a friend. They had their moments to be sure. Stolen glances , hidden smiles, or a vague touch. For the longest time she was unsure if she what she was seeing or feeling was simply the productive of her imagination. She had all but admitted to him that she had fantasies about him when he had swung her over an elevator shaft while breaking into Malcolm Merlyn's server room. The very possibly that Oliver had feelings for her had been a barrier for every other relationship she could have had. Even Barry knew or at least felt like there was something going on between her and Oliver. Things came to a head when they were chasing down a bomber. He had told her then that her head wasn't in what they were doing and that she was spending way too much time in Central City. It was the first hurtful thing Oliver had ever said to her. She fired back until it came to the point that she had to leave the room.

It didn't take them long to mend the fences, however. Despite her snide comments Felicity had been terrified when the Arrow got caught in the bomb makers trap. The few seconds it took Oliver to respond seemed like a lifetime. She was reminded then and there that despite all of Oliver's strength it was still possible for her to lose him. The very thought was too gut wrenching to even contemplate. Later that night after the bomber had been arrested and Oliver said that he relied on her Felicity joked if there was a possibility of her getting employee of the month. He told her then she wasn't his employee but his partner. For some reason Felicity couldn't help but think that he meant something more.

Felicity had decided almost immediately that she needed to get out of the city. Back at her apartment she quickly put together a suitcase while at the same time ordered a ticket for the train heading to Central City. She actually had half a mind to order a one way ticket. If Oliver Queen wanted to push her out of his of his life then perhaps she should make it easier for him and just leave Starling altogether. She didn't knew why but still she booked a two way ticket.

The railway was packed. Like most large cities the subways, light rails, and larger trains all traversed through the main station. Even with a small suitcase Felicity had some difficulty navigating through the sea of people. Everyone was rushing, shoving, and pushing one another in an effort to get where they needed to be. Felicity stopped to wipe a tear of her cheek. It seemed appropriate. If Oliver can push her away then why not these people. Maybe it was her fault. Maybe she had deluded herself into thinking she was more than she actually was, that she was special or at the very least special to Oliver.

As she handed her ticket to the conductor and was about to board her train Felicity felt the sudden urge to look behind her. She hoped beyond hope that she would see Oliver racing towards her. She would have given almost anything to have him sweep her up in his arms and say that he was sorry for all the things he had said. All she wanted was for him to say that he needed and wanted her. But he wasn't there.

"Excuse me, ma'am. You have to board now." The conductor was clearly trying to usher in so he could get to the crowd waiting impatiently behind. With a final glance behind her and a sigh Felicity got on the train that would whisk her away from all her heartache.

* * *

Starling City had its fair share criminals and all of them had learned to fear the vigilante that stalked the city's rooftops. Unlike the police or the justice system the Hood had no qualms about breaking the law to do what was best for the city. That night the criminals that were out and about would wish that the Arrow had never left the train station. No matter how much they feared him, this night they did not fear him enough. For the first time since he injected himself with the mirakuri, Oliver let himself go completely. He surrendered to the blood rushing from his heart and through his veins. Gone was any semblance of control or even sanity. Like Slade before him, Oliver gave into his baser instincts. He was on a path of righteous fury and who stood in his way would be damned. If he only had a limited time left they he would make that time count. He would send a final message to everyone in the city that preying on the weak or helpless would not be tolerated.

It started off slowly enough. He caught a drug dealer trying to sell to some teenagers. Though the transaction may have ended quickly but Oliver was determined to ensure that the retribution for the transgression would not be as quick. This time, however, Oliver decided that it was time his fury extended to those buying the drugs. They may have been teenagers but lessons needed to be learned. Without those lessons their behavior would escalate. If those teenagers had no one in their lives show them a better path then it would be up to him to show them the consequences of the one they were on. With a few well-placed arrows he ensured that they stayed rooted to their positions while he worked on the drug dealer. Oliver was ruthless and by the time he was finished the drug dealer was laying on the ground with more than a few broken bones and dislocated joints. He didn't care what those teenagers saw. A dying man wasn't concerned with his image. Hero or vigilante, the choice no longer mattered. Those kids were in panicked tears by the time Oliver turned his attention to them. He had no intention of killing them, of course, but Oliver hoped fear would turn persuade them to make different choices. He strung them up a light pole and threatened to use them as target practice. He fired of an arrow just to prove his point. One of the teenagers screamed in fright as the arrow barely missed his skin and ripped through some clothing. He would remember them, Oliver warned and next time there would be no broken bones. There would only be an arrow through the heart.

That scene played itself over and over again throughout the night. Not just with drug dealers but with thieves, corrupt officials and cops, and even the Chinese mafia. They all felt his wrath that night. By 4 AM Oliver was exhausted. Apparently even the extended physical prowess that the mirakuru had endowed him with had its limits. He had actually decided to call it a night when he heard a scream coming from a nearby alley. He didn't even hesitate. He forgot about his aching muscles until he landed rather awkwardly in the alley the scream had originated from. Oliver suddenly felt nauseous and had to place his hand on one of the walls just to maintain his balance. Another ear piercing scream brought him back to his senses. He found the source soon enough. A young woman was being attacked. She was young and pretty. With her blonde hair and colorful, albeit, short clothing the attacker probably found the temptation too much to ignore.

"Someone help me, Please!" The young woman shouted again. Then for the briefest of moments the scene Oliver was witnessing changed. It wasn't some random woman that was being attacked but it was Felicity. Oliver could almost swear he saw her looking at past her glasses. Her beautiful blue eyes pleaded him to come to her aid. Even as a hallucination that look was more than Oliver could bear. With inhuman speed he closed the distance between himself and the attacker. He would teach this piece of garbage what the consequences were for attack those he cared about. With ease Oliver tossed him across the alley and into a brick wall. Oliver drew an arrow to finish him off but suddenly the man's face shifted. Oliver found himself facing down Slade Wilson over and over again. To say that Oliver was confused was understatement. Without thinking Oliver lowered his arrow as he tried to blink away the hallucination. It took a moment but soon the man's face returned to normal but then Oliver saw his mistake. His hesitation gave had given the man the opportunity draw a gun that had previously been hidden in his jacket. The bullet exploded from the barrel in a deafening blast and in an instant later Oliver could feel his shoulder explode in pain. The injury was just too much when added to the sudden onslaught of weakness. He staggered back and crashed into some empty boxes. Oliver could barely focus as he reached into his shoulder. He brought his hand closer to his face and saw his gloved stained with his blood. He watched as both the man and the woman ran from the alley in abject terror. Neither of them wanted anything to do with the Vigilante. Oliver knew that it would soon be daylight and he needed to get back to Verdant before he was discovered. He tried to get up but none of his muscles seemed to be acting right. He just couldn't find the strength to sit up. With no other choice left to him, Oliver reached into his pocket for his cell phone.

"Oliver? Oliver, where are you?" Diggle's voice rang out from the other end. That was the last thing he remembered before blacking out.

Oliver woke several hours later to the cold and familiar feel of a metal table. He was happy to find that his head was clear except for the massive pounding. He reached up to the gunshot wound to find it stitched and bandaged. His exposed upper body was covered in what seemed to an extraordinary amount of dried blood.

"Perhaps you have something to tell me, Oliver?" Diggle asked. Oliver turned to see his friend sitting atop a desk. His shirt was also covered in blood that Oliver assumed was also his.

"Nothing to tell whatsoever." With no trace of the weakness that had impaired him, Oliver easily leapt of the metal table and made his way to a cabinet filled with some spare clothing.

"Bullshit!' Dig said angrily. "I wake up this morning to a annoying little lawyer ringing my doorbell like there was no tomorrow. With no warning whatsoever he drops the bomb on me that I have to sign some papers to finish the transference of ownership of Verdant. I told him that there had to be some mistake and that I had no idea what was going on but the lawyer was insistent that he had explicit instructions to make sure that I received fifty percent ownership in Verdant. It made absolutely no sense so I spend the day unsuccessfully trying to reach you then out of the blue I get a call from you where I hear nothing coming from the other end except you coughing up some blood."

Diggle stood as well and walked in front of Oliver so that there was no way he could be ignored. "There was so much of it that I contemplated taking you to the hospital." Dig placed a finger on Oliver's chest. "But when we get hear, do you know what I find?"

"Ummm an empty cave?" Oliver aked weakly.

"The bullet wound had all but healed. I barely had to stich it up. That's impossible, of course." Diggle sounded angrier than ever.

"See? There you have it. It's impossible. The bullet must have just grazed me." Oliver tried unsuccessfully.

Diggle had enough of the lies his friend was spouting out. He pushed Oliver back and dropped something onto the floor. Oliver watched as the bullet hit the stone floor. "Impossible, unless you were full of mirakuru."

Oliver was trying to come up with another weak excuse when another wave nausea hit him. Without anything to hang onto, Oliver found himself falling onto the floor.

Diggle was beside him in a second. He kept his hands on Oliver's shoulders to prevent him standing. "Stay still. I'm your friend Oliver, let me help. What's going on?"

Oliver shook his head weakly and attempted to smile. "That lawyer is an idiot. He wasn't suppose to tell you until-" Oliver couldn't finish the sentence.

"Until what, Oliver?" Diggle kept pressing. He needed to know.

There was no getting out of it now. Diggle would never let this go. That was why he treid so hard to keep his friends from knowing. So Oliver told him. About the mirakuru, about the fight with Slade, about what was happening to him. Oliver told him everything.

It was a good thing Diggle was already crouched down near the ground. He didn't have far to go when he needed to sit. "And there's no chance?"

Oliver just shrugged. "I have some people working on it. I guess there's always a chance but given the time-"

Diggle could only nod a little in understanding. Time was their enemy now and unlike all their previous foes this one could not be stopped with an arrow. "We deserved to know, Oliver. Did you think about your friends and family at all?"

"Trust me that is all I could think about." Oliver picked up the bullet and ran it through his finger absent mindedly.

"So that's what this is all about? Felicity's promotion, you giving me half the club?' diggle asked.

Oliver let out a deep breath. "You are my friends. I wanted to make sure that you were taken care of."

Diggle was both saddened and touched at Oliver's notion. "But Felicity/ Did you have to tell her that she meant nothing to you? She was in tears when she called me to tell me that she would be in Central City if we needed her. Even after all the things you said to her, she was still thinking about you and what would happen if she wasn't here when you needed her. I had to promise that I would call her if any Vigilante business showed up."

Oliver placed the bullet in between his fingers. With ease he crushed it even more. "That's my point exactly, Dig. You know Felicity just as well as I do. She would never get over my injecting myself to save her. Hell, she didn't even want me to kill start killing for her. She may not think that she is worth it but she is. Don't you see, Dig? She's everything to me. That's why she can never know."

Diggle understood Oliver's point. He didn't like it but he understood. "You say she's everything to you Oliver?" When he saw Oliver nod he continued. "Then you should have respected her enough to allow her to make that decision on her own."

They sat there is silence after that. Neither of them knew what else there was to say. For now it was enough for the both of them that Oliver was not alone. No, Diggle promised himself. Whatever happens he would not allow Oliver Queen to suffer alone. They were more than friends, they were brothers and a brother never allows a brother to go into combat alone.

A/N Well I hope you guys are liking the story. Things are certainly coming towards a dramatic ending. I hope you guys look forward to reading it just as much as I look forward to writing it. Not many chapters left, maybe a few more. Thanks for letting my imagination run wild with this. keep the reviews coming. For those that reviewed, i really appreciate. Helps me to know that there are people reading this.


	5. Chapter 5

Arrow chapter 5

_A/N Okay., I had a really hard time with this one. I couldn't seem to get the proper emotion out from this chapter. Please let me know what you think? If it's not good enough I will delete it and try to rewrite it. Thanks._

Barry quietly watched the gorgeous blonde in front of him absent-mindedly play with her food. Normally he would have been concerned if a woman he was having dinner with had barely said a full sentence to him but in this particular case he understood. In fact, he understood more than Felicity did. Even through the well done make-up he could see the fatigue that lined her face. To anyone who looked closely enough it was obvious that she had shed more than a few tears recently. When he had asked her if she was okay she simply smiled at him and told him that life in Starling City was just a little more stressful than usual. She told him that she appreciated him taking her to dinner so that she could take a break from everything that was going in her life. Barry could only smile back and say it was his pleasure. There was a time when he would have wanted nothing more than to date Felicity Smoak but even as she came to visit him while he was recovering from the lightning strike it became clear that she would never look at him in the same as she did Oliver. He couldn't blame her. He was a billionaire and a genuine hero and Barry was sure that Oliver felt the same way about Felicity. Why else would he risk it all for her? He had been sure that the two of them would eventually end up together even though they were both to stubborn to make the first move. Yes, Oliver belonged with Felicity and all he needed was the time to realize it.

But it was time that Oliver did not have. In truth, Barry found everything that was going on so tragic that he almost wished that he didn't have to be in the middle of it all. Almost anyway. As soon as Oliver told him what had happened Barry worked non-stop in an effort to help him but so far everything he tried had failed. It didn't help that Barry still had trouble controlling his newfound speed. More than once Barry had broken a vial or spilled its contents because he was not used to moving at such enormous speeds.

It wasn't until felicity had called him to invite him to dinner that Barry finally comprehended the reasoning behind his somewhat cryptic message. It was painfully obvious now that Oliver did not want Felicity knowing that his body was breaking down. Barry didn't know all the details but he suspected that Oliver was doing everything he can to push Felicity away from him. As Barry ate his meal he couldn't help but wonder which of Oliver's sacrifices was more painful. Dying for the woman he loved or pretending that he didn't care about to spare her from the pain of his death. Barry knew that he would never be able to put on his red outfit again without asking himself if he would ever be strong enough to make the choices that Oliver had.

Suddenly the news feed from the TV nearby interrupted his train of thought. _In other news, the Starling City Vigilante was back in action today as he foiled a would-be mugger. The lone eye witness, the female victim, claimed that the Vigilante appeared disoriented and a little confused. She also claimed that her attacker had shot the Starling City Vigilante but as no blood or body was found by the police such claims are unsubstantial. As for her claims that the Vigilante was disoriented, it is this reporter's opinion that this confirms that the Starling City vigilante belongs in a mental asylum. More details after the break….._

"Don't listen to him. That reporter was a moron." Barry looked at her sympathetically. "Do you want to call him to make sure he is okay?"

Felicity looked as though she wanted to but thought better of it. "Dig would have called me if something was wrong."

"Don't worry, I know that Oliver isn't crazy." Barry wanted to believe what he had just told her but he knew that the deterioration of his body could quite possibly be affecting his coordination if not his mind.

"Yeah, well that makes one of us." Felicity said in a voice was too low for him to hear.

A few hours later the two friends found themselves back in Barry's lab. It was getting pretty late but Felicity had insisted that she wasn't in the least bit tired yet. With no other ideas of where to go she asked if she could see where he worked.

"It's not as nice as the lab you have under Verdant." Barry said apologetically as he swiped his keycard to open the door to his lab.

Saying that his lab wasn't as nice was an understatement. Unlike the lair, Barry's office was cold and damp. Buckets littered the ground to catch the water that seemed to be leaking from multiple pots in the ceiling. Cold air seemed to drift freely in through the skylight that had yet to be repaired from the lightning strike. A stack of wood that could have only been broken shelves still lay cluttered in one side. The only things that seemed to be somewhat in decent shape was a work table that had numerous vials on it as well as a large white board with a map of Central City pulled over it.

"Here." Barry said pulling Felicity in by the hand. "This is what I wanted to show you." He tugged her towards the white board and pulled back the map. Underneath was a massive collection of newspaper articles. Some of it was about a murder that took place many years ago but some of it Felicity recognized quickly. Scattered around the whiteboard was article after article about the so-called Hood and the enemies he had faced. There were articles about his battles with the huntress, the Count, Malcolm Merlyn. Even his battles with Blood and Slade were there.

"I've been following Oliver's exploits for a while now. It 's amazing what you guys have accomplished together." Barry said without thinking.

"Yeah, together." Except that they weren't together. Not really. Oliver claimed that they were a team and she was his partner but it was obvious now that she wasn't. She was just an employee to him after all.

"I didn't come all this way just to be reminded of Oliver Queen. He could shoot himself with an arrow for all I car-"Felicity stormed off into another corner of the room to get away from the articles that were reminding her about the time she and Oliver had spent together when she noticed a small refrigerated container half hidden in the debris.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Barry said as he pulled back down the map. He turned back to speak to her but found her crouching over the container he thought he had hidden. "That's nothing. Please don't touch that."

But it was already too late. Felicity had already moved away the debris and opened the case. She held a vial of blood in her hand.

"Oliver Queen. Sample 34. Result: Unsuccessful." She read the label as she stood up. "What's this?" Felicity demanded as she turned back to face him.

Barry was speechless. About a hundred different excuses ran through his head but each was more ludicrous than the one before.

Felicity, on the other hand, was seething. She wondered now if Barry had only wanted to spend time with her in order to get close to Oliver? It didn't make any sense. These sample she was holding seemed to be fresh and that means Barry would have had to draw it from Oliver fairly recently. "Why do you have his blood?'

"I, uh-I can't tell you." In truth Barry wanted to tell her everything. Even before he had met Oliver, Barry had somewhat idolized the Arrow. For Barry, he became someone to look up to, to aspire to. It was gut wrenching for him to see their team in so much strife. He wanted to tell her and the only thing that was holding him back was that it was not his secret to tell.

"When did you even see Oliver to take some blood?" Felicity's voice was now louder and angrier than Barry had ever seen before.

"A few days ago. I needed more of it to analyze." Barry knew he was now tuck between a rock and a hard place. He realized belatedly that he should have never agreed to bring her to his lab in the first place.

"Analyze it for what?" Barry's tone suddenly had Felicity frightened.

Barry could only lower his head. "I want to tell you, I really do but you have to ask Oliver."

Felicity did not know what to make of everything. She was angry, confused, and frustrated. She had a half a mind to just turn around and forget all of them. What good were friends that pushed you away or hid things from you?

"Felicity?" Barry called to her. "You should hurry."

Despite everything that had happened when Felicity heard Barry urge her to hurry she turned and ran.

Barry stood there for a while looking at where Felicity had just been standing only moments before. He could only hope that he would one day meet someone as amazing as Felicity. Then in a blink of an eye he was speeding back to trying to find a cure for Oliver.

* * *

"You need to take it easy, man." Dig said as helped Oliver up onto the metal table. "That's two nights in a row that you almost-"

"Died?" Oliver finished for him. "I don't think that matters now, does it?" Just like the night before, the Arrow had gone on patrol only to find himself weak and disoriented. He sustained injury after injury but still he kept going. The only thing reason that he had come back was that a low life smuggler had slashed his chest when Oliver tried to break up his operation. The cut was deeper than Oliver had thought. The blade had sliced through his green outfit, through flesh, and drew blood.

"You know as well as I do that the knife would never even touched you had you been healthy." Diggle helped Oliver rip open his tunic. He had prepared some alcohol and warm water to clean off the injury but just like the night before it was already healing on its own with blood still trailing fro, the healing wounds.

"If I have to go out then at least I will do it fighting." Oliver said weakly.

'is that what this is all about?" Diggle asked angrily. "You want to die a soldier's death, is that it?" that was the last thing Dig wanted to see. He had seen enough of his brothers fall in combat and it was the last thing he wanted for Oliver.

Oliver cracked a smile at how Dig spoke to him. It was like an older brother giving him a lecture. "I just want to do as much as I can."

"And what about your mother and Thea? What do you think they will have to go through when they are called to identify your body in the morgue especially if you are still wearing that outfit?" Dig was just as frustrated as anyone. He knew Oliver was no longer thinking clearly but he also knew that he did not have any chance of swaying his Oliver's decisions. There was only one person who could do that. "What about Felicity? You are really going to die letter her think that you don't care for her?"

Oliver laid back down to rest his head. "Please don't talk about Felicity. I already see her everywhere I go."

"You're having hallucinations?" Dig asked more concerned than ever before.

Oliver grunted his answer. "It's getting worse too. At first I was just seeing her but now I can even smell her perfume."

"Oliver?"

Despite the weakness that was spreading through his body, Oliver Queen sat up from the cold table he was lying on. He tried to pull his torn shirt together to cover up the fresh scars that lined his chest and abdomen but he knew it was already late. Felicity had already and seen them and she was already moving towards him.

"I thought you were in Central City?" Oliver asked as he found a fresh shirt and slipped it on.

His question reminded Felicity why she had rushed back to Starling City in the first place. "Why does Barry have several vials of your blood? What is he analyzing? What are you keeping from? What the heck is going on?" The frustration had been building in felicity for quite some time and question after question rolled off her tongue.

Still Oliver remained silent and resilient in his decision. He turned to Diggle for help but his friend simply shook his head and stood up to leave the room to give them some privacy.

As he was leaving he looked in Oliver's direction in an attempt to offer him some reassurance. "She deserves to know."

Silence filled the lair as Diggle's footsteps faded. Oliver knew that Felicity was still staring at him even if he refused to meet her gaze. He closed his eyes when he heard Felicity start walking towards him. The echo of her heels against the stone floor was deafening to him. He knew exactly how many steps it would take for her to reach him. He prayed silently that she would just stop and turn away from him but he knew that any such prayer would be in vain. There was no way Felicity was leaving without getting the answers she so desperately sought.

Finally Oliver heard the heels come to a stop in front of him. He felt a soft hand reach up and cup his cheek. Oliver had to catch himself from letting out a sigh at the touch of her warm hand. Since he had found out he was dying there was nothing he craved more than to feel the touch of her skin. With that touch Felicity begged him to look at her. How could he refuse such a request. He slowly opened his and found himself face to face with the woman he loved. The same woman he had spent so much effort in pushing away.

What he saw there surprised him. He didn't see anger, or resentment, or even a hint of the hate she had said she felt for him during their last fight. Instead her eyes glistened with tears as she nudged him to meet her gaze. "Will you tell me what's going on, Oliver?" The way she said his name made him shiver.

"I can't." His voice was a little more than a whisper.

Felicity placed her other hand on Oliver's shoulder. "Whatever it is you are going through we can deal with it together, Oliver. We are a team. "

Oliver slowly shook his head but Felicity could already feel his resolve ebbing. "If you care for me at all you will tell me. We can survive anything if we work together.

Oliver stood suddenly and pulled away from her touch. "That's just it! We can't. I won't!'

"Nothing that you can say or do will push me out that door." Felicity said with a tone of finality in her voice. They both knew then that Oliver had lost. The only way for him to get rid of Felicity now would be to get physical with her but Oliver would sooner jump of a bridge. It was almost ironic. Despite all his strength, speed, and skill this one person, who probably less than half of his weight, could force him to back down.

With a sigh Oliver nodded, giving in. He walked towards the table holding his quivers. From one of the many cabinets Oliver pulled an empty syringe and handed it to Felicity.

She recognized it easily enough. It was one of the syringes that held the mirakuru. But the ones they had taken from Blood had been full. The syringe she held now was empty.

"I don't understand." Felicity looked up at him.

"It's what I've been keeping from you. From everyone…"

"You injected yourself with this?" Felicity thought she understood the depth of what Oliver was trying to tell her. "It's okay. If Roy learned to cope with it and so can you."

Oliver ran his fingers though her hair, just above the ear. He tried to memorize the feel of it all. "Slade was too strong, Felicity. I had no choice."

Suddenly understanding hit Felicity like a fist into her stomach. "Oliver, where are the other syringes?"

He just watched her silently for a moment before answering. "I gave them to Barry when he took samples of my blood."

Felicity's hands went to her mouth as she let out a gasp. "Tell me you didn't inject yourself with all of them."

His silence was answer enough.

"Tell me you didn't!" She repeated loudly. When he still didn't answer she questioned him again. "Why would you do that? You know how dangerous it is!"

Oliver steeled himself. He was about to tell her what he had promised himself he would not. "You were in danger. For me there was no choice to make."

She had heard him say those exact words once before when he had to kill the Count to save her. Back then she had cost him to break his vow to not kill again. She dreaded what she had cost him now.

"What did Barry say? What did the blood analysis show?" Felicity berated herself mentally for not insisting that Barry show her the results of his tests.

"He's doing the best he can. As soon as he figures something out he'll call." He tried at sound as reassuring as possible but he failed to convince even himself.

"Answer my question!" Felicity screamed at him. Her tears were falling freely now.

"I'm dying, Felicity." Oliver finally admitted. The mirakuru, it was too much for my body..."

Felicity couldn't believe what she was hearing. It had to be some sort of bad joke or another attempt to push her away but the fear that tinged his features told her otherwise.

"How long?" Felicity meant to ask how long before he died but she could not bring herself to say those words.

"How long, Oliver?!" She repeated when he refused to answer.

Oliver drew her into his arms as he whispered to her. "It's hard to be certain. A few days to a few weeks."

The color completely drained from Felicity's face as she sobbed into his shoulder. It all made sense now. Why he had stood her up. Why he gave her a promotion. Why he kept pushing her away. He was just trying to look out for her and for his trouble Felicity had told him that she hated him.

"I'm sorry." She grabbed onto his shirt tightly. She suddenly found it difficult to breathe.

Oliver pulled away a little so that she could see the sincerity in what he was about to say. "This isn't your fault. If I had to do things over again I would make the exact same choice."

Felicity shook her head vigorously. He had given up everything for her and all she had been thinking about was herself and her stupid feelings. The knowledge that he would die thinking that she hated him broke her heart. "I didn't mean what I said about hating you."

Oliver tried to lighten the mood. "I tried to get you to."

She didn't know if she wanted to hug him or strangle him for trying to protect her. "You should have told me. We are supposed to be partners. I want to be there for you as much as you are there for me."

"I know." Oliver brought his hand down to rub the bare skin of her arm. "I just wanted to give you a chance at a normal life after…."

"And I love you for that but it is my life, Oliver." The words left her mouth before Felicity had even realized she said them. She knew Oliver had heard though. His hand suddenly stopped where it was on her arm.

"I didn't mean that! Not the part about it being my life but I—uh, I meant I love spending time with you, no I mean I love working with you because I have a great job and it just so happens that I enjoy your company at night too." Felicity shut her eyes tightly. She couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth at a time like this.

"Felicity." She had started to count backwards when Oliver's soft voice urged her to open her eyes and look at him. When she did she found his face hovering inches from her. It seemed Oliver had decided that he would try a new method to stop her rambling.

Felicity became painfully aware of his hand on her arm. His grip tightened a little as if bidding her not to pull away. The distance between them seemed to be shrinking. She could almost feel his lips on hers…..

Then without warning the alarms on the consoles went off. The computer screen flashed on and transcripts of a 911 call started appearing on the screen. With a grim look in his eyes, Oliver dropped the hand that had been holding her.

"Oliver, you can't" She whispered as she placed her hand on his chest. The image of the fresh scars were still etched in her memory.

"I have to go." He slowly moved away from her and walked toward the casing that held his bow, the same bow the Felicity had given him after she and Diggle brought him back from the island.

"You're already hurt. Let someone else handle this." She pleaded with him.

Oliver pulled his outfit over his shirt. It was still torn from his previous fight. She struggled to find some way to keep him from going out there again. She couldn't lose him. She needed more time. "You're already dying! Don't go out there. I don't want to lose you."

"I'm sorry but the work doesn't stop just because I'm dying. People need me." With final glance in her direction, the Arrow disappeared from view.

"But I need you too." She said to the empty room. She did her best to compose herself and then rushed over to her computers. She quickly attached the headset.

"Oliver?' She asked, hoping that he hadn't turned off his coms.

"I'm here." He replied almost immediately.

"When you are done come home. I'll be here waiting." She said as she prepared to guide him to the origin of the 911 call. "I'll always be waiting." She said again too softly for him to hear.

_A/N What's the verdict? Should I rewrite it?_


	6. Actual Chapter 6

A/n sorry I haven't updated in a while. School has been hectic. Well here is another chapter. Hopefully you like it. Please let me know and i don't know what happened but i must have misclicked the document when posting last night. Here is the actual chapter 6. Sorry.

What may have been, what could have been

Felicity sighed as the night turned out as other nights did when Oliver donned his green leather. One mission led to another and before either of them knew it dawn was creeping its way into the horizon. She had wanted to called in Dig to help out Oliver but he had refused, saying that he could handle it on his own. Against her better judgement Felicity complied with his request. She just wasn't sure that her reason was the same as Oliver's. She kept on hoping that he would call it a night so he could return to her. When he did she wanted him all to herself. There were times she almost turned off the police scanner so that neither of them would be alerted to any more crimes. She knew that was selfish of her and that there were other people's lives at stake but all she could think of was Oliver's life. Hadn't he given enough to the people of the city? Hadn't he earned the right to some peace?

Night had given way to sunrise by the time Oliver found his way back to the foundry. Felicity was at least grateful for the knowledge that he had not been injured in anyway. This, however, did not stop her from wanting to rush to his side as he entered and the only thing that stopped her was the realization that he had his phone to his ear. She felt herself go rigid when he heard him mention Barry's name. Felicity watched Oliver hopefully while he continued his conversation with Barry. More than anything she wanted to be right next to Oliver while Barry updated him on the progress for a cure to the over dose of mirakuru but it was clear from the way he kept his voice down that Oliver did not want her to hear their conversation.

It wasn't until her knuckles started aching that she had a death grip on her chair as she eagerly waited for news. Time seemed to pass agonizingly slow and every second that ticked by seemed to last a lifetime for Felicity. Despite her anticipation, Felicity's breath caught in her throat when she saw Oliver lower the phone from his ear. She did her best to keep a small smile on her lips in an effort to show him how hopeful she was but she was pretty sure that the dread rising up from the pit of her stomach reflected quite clearly in her eyes.

He stood as still as a statue for over a minute until finally Felicity could no longer contain herself. "So what time will Barry be arriving with the cure?" The optimistic way in which she phrased the question seemed to unhinge Oliver and he looked in her direction. It was clearly written all over his face and Felicity knew what he was going to tell her without any words being spoken. The look he had on lasted only for a split second then the walls he so carefully erected around himself were back up. His face was blank and impassive as he started closing the distance between them. She didn't know how it was possible but her grip on the end he of her chair tightened even more as he approached. She wanted to stand so that she could look into his blue eyes as he gave her the news but she couldn't for the life of her get her muscles to move.

"Felicity..." His voice was hollow and emotionless. Perhaps he thought that if he showed her that he was not afraid then it would quell the fear stirring in her heart as well. That would probably have worked on anyone else but not for her. Not for someone who knew him as well as she did. For Felicity knew that the face he was showing her was nothing but a wall for him to hide behind. Just another mask. It had taken a long time for her to peel away the later upon layer of walls he had put up but in the months following his 2nd return of Lian Yu she had started to see cracks in those walls. Sometimes he opened up to her and sometimes he didn't but in those moments that he did let his guard down Felicity couldn't help but notice that things between them had began to change. The changes were small at first, almost too subtle for other notice. She, however, did. How could she not feel the electricity that ran through her body as his touches lasted longer than they should or the heat that reddened her face when she knew that he was staring. The stoic look he gave her was also something she had learned to read and she would not and could not accept the words that were about to leave his mouth.

"No!" Felicity yelled, shaking her head angrily. She refused to even entertain the very notion of what he was about to say.

"Felicity..." He repeated. He reached out and she felt the calloused hand rub against the bare skin of her forearm. She almost shivered at the way he said her name. No one had ever said her name in the same manner as he had. Too her it was just a name that was just as awkward as she was but when he always seemed to make it sound so much more than what it really was. She had no choice but to look back at him. Her breathing was quick and shallow and already her vision began to blur as tears welled up in her eyes. She did her best to steel herself for what he wanted to say but she had no doubt that he could feel her trembling.

"There's a few more things he wants to try..." Oliver had only began speaking but already that was more than enough for Felicity. Without warning she threw herself into Oliver's arms. She no longer cared that he wanted to keep at arms length. She knew why he was doing it. He wanted to spare her the loss of losing him, of losing someone she loved but it was already way too late for that. If she was being honest then she would have said that it had been too late for a long time. He became rigid when she pressed up against him. His first thought was to push her away just as he had done so many times in the past. This time, however, was different. For some reason he knew that there was no chance of prying himself from her grasp short of physically hurting her and that was one thing he would die before ever doing. Oliver was right about one thing though. Felicity would not take no for an answer.

She pressed herself even further into him, squirming into his body as much as she could until Oliver had no choice but to wrap his around her small frame. She didn't say anything for the longest moment but the wetness soaking into his shirt where Felicity had her face buried told Oliver all he needed to know. He tightened his arms around her, offering what comfort he could. He wanted to say something, anything really to alleviate the grief that his friend was feeling for him. No, friend was probably the wrong word to use to describe Felicity at this point. She hadn't just been his friend for a very long time. He had just been to blind, he thought to himself as he sighed heavily into her hair. He breathed in the scent of it. and knew it was something he would never be able to get enough off. He hoped then that he would still remember her smell when he got to the hell that surely awaited him. Because surely someone like him was destined for an eternity of fire and brimstone.

"What?" It was only when she pulled back sharply from him that he realized he had said the last part out loud. "It was nothing." Oliver tried to brush what he said aside but Felicity would not let him. She quickly wiped a falling tear and brought the same hand to rest across his face. As he felt the wetness of that tear, Oliver felt a sting in his heart that he was the cause of it.

"I wish you could see yourself the same way that I see you." She whispered softly. It wasn't fair that someone who had a heart like his had too endure so much in life. A life that was now being cut short. For the longest time she had hoped that she would be the one that would be able to show Oliver that there was more to life than the constant pain and guilt that burdened his shoulders. This was a man who had given hope to so many but seemed himself unworthy to keep any for himself.

"Maybe you just refuse to see for what I really am." His voice was soft, almost defeated. "How could someone like you ever-" Even though Oliver did not finish the sentence, the last part trailing off, Felicity knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Is that what you think?" Felicity ran her hand through his short blonde hair. "That you don't what I feel for you?" Her suspicions were confirmed when his answer was to stare blankly at the floor in between them. Her thoughts went back to all the times before they had been on the verge on acting on the very palpable tension they felt for one another. That he thought it was too dangerous for her to be with him was an obvious deterrent but she knew that deep down he felt that he just didn't deserve her it even to be happy. He felt that his past and the choices that were forced upon him doomed him a life of loneliness and misery. There was truth to that, yes but Felicity had only scratched the truth of it all.

"I've made so many mistakes..." His voice was barely audible. "I make a mistake and people die or get hurt. Soon that won't be a problem anymore." Felicity's eyes widened with shock at what she was hearing. "You want to die?" Oliver looked up at her. He could see the pain that bled through features. "It should have happened so many times before but somehow I always seemed to survive. I thought at first it was because I had to right my family's wrongs and stop Malcolm Merlyn but when Slade returned I realized then that perhaps I was doing more harm than good. Anyway it doesn't matter. I knew from the start that all this would eventually cost me my life."

Felicity thought long and hard about what she asked next. Normally she might not have even asked him but she no longer had the time to wait for him. "And after all this time you've found no reason at all to want to live? What about your family? Your mother and Thea-"

"And you?" He finished for her. She held her breath as she waited for his answer. Oliver had never been good with expressing himself with words. Even prior to the island he had been better at avoiding his feelings rather than dealing with them. Since the time he had started his crusade Felicity Meghan Smoak had been the one constant in life. He relied on her not just for her help in tracking the latest criminal to terrorize the city but for everything else in his life as well. She was the light, the only light, that seemed to reach him when the darkness of his life threatened to overwhelm him. She pushed when he was stubborn, gave him space when he needed but most of all she never asked him to be any other person than who he really was. He never had to wear a mask with her. With Felicity his smiles always came naturally and easily. At the beginning he found it confusing how the walls he built around himself seemed to always crumble in her presence. Then when he did realize the depth of what he felt for her, he spent an insane amount of time trying to convince himself such a relationship would not work. Before he knew it he was suddenly out of time and he knew that missing his chance with her would be his greatest regret.

Eventually he found a way to say what had been eating away at him since he found out the the end was nearing. He leaned forward then and place his forehead against hers. Her skin was smooth and warm and he wondered how his own calloused and scar filled body paled in comparison to her.

"You know when I first got back from the island and started all this I was consumed with what I needed to do. Nothing else mattered to me except doing what I could to absolve my father and myself. I put on a front for everyone to see. I made the motions of rebuilding the life that I was meant to live but I never really let it become real for me. It was a means to an end because I was so sure that I would die from this that really building a life for myself seemed pointless and a waste."

Felicity's heart broke at the words she was hearing. It did not break for herself but for the man in front of her. It pained her to see him so willing to give up everything. Her thoughts went back to when they returned from helping Diggle and Layla in Russia. He had told her then that he could not be with anyone he could actually care about because of the life that he lead. She assumed then that he was telling her it was too dangerous for either of them if they started to care more deeply for one another. Now she understood that he was saying that and more. He did not want her to waste her life in a relationship with him because there was no telling how long he would actually last. She thought for the longest time that he simply did not feel for her the way she did for him. The truth was that he did and it terrified him.

"Oliver." She whimpered. She wanted to tell him that he deserved love and life. Of all the people she knew she thought he deserved to know what it was like to be genuinely happy. Most of all she she wanted to show that she was willing to give that to him and more.

"Let me finish." He said gently. Oliver's hand found its way to Felicity's soft lips. He traced his finger across the side of her lips, admiring how her lipstick made her seem to glow more than usual.

"I had everything planned out. I would play my part as Oliver Queen during the day then eventually one night I would fight one too many battles and I would fall. I imagined what it would be like sometimes, lying in the dark as I died. I imagined my life flashing in front of my eyes just like they show in the movies. Only for me I would see all the mistakes I have ever made as I reminder that I have lived longer than I should have. Then I would just be gone, nothing more than another stain in the city's checkered history. I knew that there would be people who missed me for sure like Mom and Thea but they had lived through me dying once before."

Felicity's tears were falling freely now as she listened to the man she loved talk about how he imagined his death would be like. It hurt her so much that he thought so little of himself and what he meant to those around him. What he meant to her. Oliver kept his finger on the side of hers, telling her that he had more to say.

"So I planned and I prepared for what would eventually happen but then..." For the first time that Oliver's mouth curled up in a slight smile. This was not the fake smile that he constantly planted on his face when dealing with others. Those empty smiles were bereft of emotion and his eyes would reflect nothing of what lay beneath. What he gave her now was genuine and full of emotion. Emotion that caused his eyes to seem light at up at whatever thought had brought the smile.

"For all my planning and preparation there was one thing that took me completely off guard and that was falling for my personal IT girl turned executive assistant." Felicity blinked through the tears. She wasn't sure if she was hearing Oliver correctly. Did he just say he fell for her? Her head swam with the chaos of emotions that threatened to drown her. Heart break, awe, surprise, love, back to heart break.

"After I found out I was dying I promised myself I would never tell you but that seems like a moot point now since you can't seem to leave me no matter how much I try to push you away." He trailed a finger across her to wipe of the stain of her tears.

"I don't want you to ever think that you weren't the largest part of my life. Because in the end it wasn't my family, my business, or my time as the Arrow that changed me. It was you. You made me want to live again. I just wish I had done something about it sooner." For the first time in as long as she could remember Felicity was speechless. She could only stare at Oliver while he revealed what he truly felt. Only in her wildest dreams and fantasies did she imagine him saying the things he just did. To hear them for real took her breath away. The only thing she could think to do was wrap her arms around him. She reveled in his embrace as she at last understood completely why he had spent so much time pushing her away. Falling in love with him and then only to lose him forever in the next instant was gut wrenching. A life that would never be suddenly flashed through her eyes as she clutched him tightly. She saw them hand in hand everyday for the world to see. She saw a wedding, simple and elegant with only their closest friends in attendance. She saw her and Oliver, old but full of happiness, sitting in a garden as they watched their children and grandchildren. She saw a life that she would never have.

"You should have told me you big oaf." She lifted her head slightly so that she could look him directly in the eyes. He nodded his head in agreement.

"I'm sorry." Was all he could muster to say.

Felicity didn't know how long they stood in the dim light of the foundry and they didn't care. For the first time since they had met there was no outside world, there was no business calls or criminals to chase down. No one or nothing else mattered except the man who held onto her like his life depended on it.

A/N so another chapter down and only a few more to go. Next chapter will deal with a possible solution to their dilemma but it will require a very difficult decision for Oliver. I know it's not as good or as long as the numerous stories out there so I just wanted to say thanks for reading and being patient while attended to other things before updating. Please review. Sorry again for the wrong post last night.

I'm on tumblr by the way. goodsport862


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